Monday, November 3, 2008

In Which I Realize that One of the Up Sides of Bed Rest is that Strangers Can't Talk to Me

Many apologies for having no picture to go with this post. In 9 days (and believe me, I'm counting every hour at this point) I will be off bed rest, have my new baby in my arms, and be well on my way back to creating decent blog posts.

In the meantime, however, I thought I'd entertain you with some of my favorite quotes from this pregnancy. While my pregnancy with Moses was full of people telling me how "cute" I looked, this one has been full of people murmuring to each other and pointing as I walked by, slowing down in their cars as they passed me for a better look, and saying all SORTS of ridiculous things to me about my "condition." Before bed rest (aha - I have stumbled upon a wonderful reason to be locked up in the house!) I had to reassure every stranger I passed that no, I was not about to give birth, no I was not pregnant with twins, and yes, I was sure. It got old. Here are a few of the best ones:

1.) "Wow, you look really uncomfortable." Well, sheesh, if we all went around telling people in line at the fabric store what they looked like (punctuated by a genuine "wow," no less), we would all hate each other.

2.) "How do you sleep at night?" Isn't this something you say to axe murderers? Seriously.

3.) And now for my all-time favorite quote. I still can't believe this one. Brace yourself:
"Are you pretending to be pregnant?" Yep. That's what she asked me. I know because the only response I could muster up was "Did you just say 'are you pretending to be pregnant?'?" She confirmed that she had, in fact, asked me that question and continued to look at me quizzically. When I realized that my non-verbal response of complete shock wasn't answer enough to her question I managed to get out a "No." I mean, who in their right mind would go to the craft store dressed as a pregnant person? And if a person was for some reason to do that, why would they dress as an "uncomfortable looking" pregnant person who looks as if it is hard to sleep at night? Very strange.

I guess the lessons to be learned here are never to talk to a pregnant woman about how she looks, and don't try to guess how far along she it. You will be wrong and she will feel weird. Unless the comment comes from her 2 year old son, in which case it is just funny, no matter how mean it is:

4.) "Mommy, how your shoulder got so big?" *sigh*

And, though it is somewhat unrelated to the previous quotes, I will conclude with this gem I received at the doctor's office, from an actual doctor:

5.) "Take this while you're dry heaving." This was said as a bottle of some weird medicine was shoved into my hands. The woman has obviously never dry heaved. I'm still trying to envision how one could possibly take anything WHILE dry heaving, and how that substance could possibly do them any good. I never opened the bottle.

So thanks to all those strangers I have a reason to be glad for bed rest - I mean, if they thought I looked weird a month ago, what in the world would they be saying to me now?!?!


emgray said...

WOW! And I thought I had heard most of them! "Are you pretending to be pregnant?" is definitely a FIRST! Glad you are finding humor in people's rude comments. And really... 9 days until you actually HAVE your baby?!? PTL!!!

Amy Q. said...

Hang in there- You're almost there! And my dad wins for all-time worst post pregnancy comments: "Geez Amy, you looked so big in the hospital i wanted to pop you to let the air outta you!"

pam said...

oh my, now i'm raiding my memory for every stupid thing i must have said to you. What ever it was, i'm sorry!!! Personally i think she asked that stupid question because the rest of you looks so UN-pregnant!!! So, maybe it was a compliment. :-)

Jen Mc. said...

Of course I agree with Pam. :) (But perhaps with more of a twisted sense of humor, I think it would have been great if you had said yes, you were pretending!).